Karate Chopping Holiday Blues - 5 Reasons to Smile

Karate Chop those "Holiday Blues" with these 5 Proven (Smile Methods).

Today is November 25th just one month away from the anticipated, yet dreaded, but loved holiday known as Christmas. Often the holidays are an emotional trigger for emotions ranging from happiness to anger. Who knows why the holidays trigger emotions, but it's a fact that people feel inadequate during this time with financial concerns at the forefront of their human experience. Lack of money, poor health and an impending urgency to buy too much uneeded stuff, create havoc within the emotional infastructure of men and women during the holidays.

As a mother of three sons and two beautiful granddaughters I have experienced extreme emotions including doubt, fear, anger and even shame. My grand realization that these emotions were not real, or had no real impact upon my life, was when my son who was 7 years old at the time, had a seizure playing Nintendo. What opened my eyes was that life is precious and just waking in the morning was a reason to smile. So I have found 5 steps that help you karate chop the holiday blues and shift immediately into a place of comfort and joy.

    Practical Step #1 - When you feel the anxiety come up and feel like crying, begin to say these words "I love you", "Please forgive me", and "Thank You". This is a Japanese prayer designed to bring to you a calmness of mind.

    Practical Step #2 - Simply smile for 2 minutes and think of the birth of your child, or the last puppy you had. Thinking of one thing that makes you smile, can shift your mood immediately.

    Practical Step #3 - Go outside and stand on the ground. Do this even if it is very cold outside. The air will change your mood and connect you with the foundation and beginning of all life.

    Practical Step #4 - Gratitude is the key to loving life. Even in the worse conditions of ill health, low finances or family fights, gratitude is an emotion that will shift your perception of your situation in an instant. What you are grateful for you will receive more of. What you are not grateful for, you will probably lose. So, if you are upset about not having enough money to buy gifts, start saying gratitude for what you have in front of you. Maybe it's a car, home or possession, but you have something to be grateful for.

    Practical Step #5 - Joining a support group on social media such as Facebook can help you to feel that you are not alone. Millions of people suffer from anxiety during this time. There are many groups on Facebook to help you talk about what's going on in your life. When you decide to join a group, introduce yourself and be honest. Seeing and admitting that you are feeling negative emotions is the best way to shift the emotion to one that feels better.

These strategies work. Christmas is a time of giving, and often the greatest gift we can give another is the gift of our time and attention. No matter how much money you have or how big of a credit line you possess, you will tend to feel that there is not enough. Remember that you are the bank of prosperity. Within you exists the answer to every question and the gift that everyone wants to receive.

Tips to Beat Bad Behavior Such As Anger and Being a Bully

Avoid triggers in the early stages until you've learned to react more appropriately. Walk away from arguments and situations where you were about to manipulate others to your own ends. If you are part of, or leading, a group/gang that behaves in this way you should stop associating with these old friends. In the early stages it is best to avoid places where they meet.

The suggestion of a mental illness is the quickest way to deflect enquiries from old acquaintances. When a simple "I don't do that any more" is insufficient to stop pestering about one's new ways, then the suggestion of madness will usually do the trick: "I don't behave like that any more, it was driving me mad, I'm having treatment." Disengage from such people as soon as possible unless they sincerely seek treatment for the same condition.

If you absolutely have to visit somewhere near a location which offers the temptation to behave in the old stupid way, don't stay any longer than you have to. Always plan your own escape route in case. Make sure you have the phone number of a taxi or a friend if needed. And if anyone makes a fuss about our not joining in it is a sign that they could have a problem similar to our own.

It's important to identify the main addiction or habit you are trying to beat. If you have a problem with drugs, including alcohol, and/or other addictions the prime problem must be addressed and all the other issues dealt with as part of that problem. So if bad behaviour is part of another problem, then join a program that deals with the main problem and deal with behavior issues as part of that. The tips in this article are for people whose bad behavior is their main addiction or habit. If there are multiple addictions, deal with the prime addiction first and the others later. The prime addiction is the one that all the others flow from. When you're not drinking, is it easier to deal with the other problems? Then drink is the prime problem. If scoring drugs is top of mind and all the other (by this stage illusory) pleasures stem from that, then drugs are the prime problem. If there used to be a thrill element or you felt better when fighting, bullying and behaving badly then this may be the prime problem that needs dealing with first. If other issues are completely absent then it is a no brainer.

If you are still violent and dangerous there is a meeting held via a telephone conference call. Visit http://www.violenceanonymous.com.

There is no excuse or reason to behave in the bad old ways. Is someone winding you up? No excuse, walk away. Do you feel the need for power and self-importance to replace feelings of being hard done by? There is no good reason for taking it out on others, walk away. If you want self-esteem you must do self-esteemable things such as good deeds. And one good deed per day must be one that you don't tell anyone about.

Challenge the passing thought that you'd like to behave badly. Tell it to F*** off. Otherwise a seed will be planted that will grow into a real bout of bad behavior instead of an imagined one. Maybe not today, maybe a week later, but you will find yourself behaving in a way you'd decided not to any more.

Play the film the whole way through. This means: don't just imagine what the first bullying act will be like. Don't just imagine the scene setter - controlling others in a way that humiliates them and makes you feel god-like. How often will it be repeated? What trouble will you get into? How much harm will you do to yourself and those around you? What recriminations will there be at a later stage? How many short months of misery before you end up in dead trouble?

Don't get bored. Meetings only take up so much time. Fill the time you used to spend engaging in your old problem with cinema, evening classes, the gym or swimming, for example. You could try new activities to see which you like. Make a list of things you'd intended to do.

Stop indulging in your addiction, go to meetings and, in between meetings, keep in touch with people you met at the meetings.

Don't rush the program. It's not a race. The concentration required to abstain and behave better without a relapse over time, precludes any quick fix.

Avoid stressful events, if possible, such as divorce, moving house, changing jobs, or a new partner in the first year or two. The stress can break one's concentration on tackling the withdrawals.

Eight Risks of Being Angry

Harming the liver

When being angry, people will secrete a kind of "catecholamine" which will act on the central nervous system, causing increased blood glucose, strengthened fatty acid decomposition and increased toxins in the blood and liver cells.

Suggestion: When being angry, drink a glass of water. Water can promote the discharging of body free fatty acid and reduce the toxins.

Inducing splashes on the skin

When being angry, the blood will rush to the head, so the blood oxygen will reduce, toxins will increase. And toxins can stimulate hair follicle, causing different degrees of inflammation. Thus, splashes will occur.

Suggestion: When facing the unpleasant things, do deep breath with both hands uplifting to adjust the body state and expel the toxins.

Accelerating the aging of brain cells

A large number of blood flowing to the brain will increase the pressure on cerebrovascular vessels. The toxins content in the blood is the highest and oxygen content the least.

Suggestion: When facing the unpleasant things, do deep breath with both hands uplifting to adjust the body state and expel the toxins.

Gastric ulcer

Anger will cause sympathetic excitement, and directly act upon the heart and blood vessels. Gastrointestinal blood flow will decrease and peristalsis will be slow and the appetite will be reduced. If the case is serious, gastric ulcer may appear.

Suggestion: Massaging on the stomach every day to alleviate the discomforts.

Myocardial ischemia

A large amount of blood flows to the brain and the face will reduce the heart blood supply and cause myocardial ischemia. Heart, in order to satisfy the body needs, will work harder. So there will be irregular heartbeats which can be deadly.

Suggestion: try to smile, and recall the pleasant things, can make the beating of the heart restore and blood flow tends to be uniform.

Hyperthyroidism

Anger will cause endocrine disorder, increase the thyroid hormone secretion and cause hyperthyroidism if the condition continues.

Suggestion: Relax, sit down, close your eyes, do deep breaths.

Harming the lungs

When one gets emotional and impulsive, the breathing will be in a hurry and there will appear hyperventilation phenomenon. Alveolar will constantly keep expanding and there is no time for contraction. So there won't be enough relaxation and rest thus the health of the lungs will be affected.

Suggestion: Focus and do deep and slow breathing for 5 times.

Damaging the immune system

When being angry, the brain will command the body to manufacture a kind of cortex sterol that is transformed by cholesterol. If this kind of material is accumulated inside body too much, it will hinder the action of immune cells and lower the body's immunity.

Suggestion: Recall the good thing that you have done as far as possible to calm the mind.

You Cannot Control Anger, You Must Remove The Cause

Anger is not one of the positive emotions; in fact it can be one of the most destructive for both the sufferer and people nearby. Though anger affects both men and women, it tends to be more of a problem with men.

Chronic anger is anger that has been within the person for a long time. It may have started when the person was a child and still be there sixty years later. It is not the reactive anger to an event; it is the deep seething feeling that is rarely far from the surface.

As an example (which is purely hypothetical), a young girl has an older sister that somehow seems to get better treatment by her parents. This unfair treatment goes on uncorrected for many years. This leads to the younger sister feeling a sense of injustice, unfairness and yet guilt for feeling that way. She has conflicting emotions of anger and guilt. When the unequal treatment extends into adolescence and adulthood, the conscious mind accepts the unfair treatment but the unconscious mind does not. The result is chronic anger which is continually being reinforced every time she and her sister are with their parents.

There are usually strong signals when someone feels chronic anger. The symptoms may include; aggression, a "short fuse", low tolerance, poor inter-personal skills and a risk of verbal abuse leading to physical violence. Though not everyone who has injustice in their lives will suffer with chronic anger, almost everyone who has such anger will have something in their lives which was the cause.

Chronic anger not only affects the person, it affects everyone around them. Friends, if there are any, and family members learn to tread carefully when the person is around. They learn quickly that any small event can trigger a bout of anger when things can be thrown, harsh words spoken and people may be assaulted.

The cause of chronic anger is usually an unresolved issue from the past. It may have arisen many years ago, and even decades before would not be uncommon. The cause is usually hidden within the unconscious mind so the sufferer rarely has any idea what caused the anger. The anger may have gone on so long that the person believes it is their normal behaviour.

The most frequent causes of chronic anger include frustration, an impotence to put the offending matter right. It may involve something that conflicts with their basic sense of justice and fair play. It may arise from a feeling of lack of control in their lives.

In summary, chronic anger arises from an injustice which is unresolved.

The usual methods of dealing with someone who is angry, such as shouting back, have no effect and may make matters worse. Avoiding the person is easier but leaves the sufferer feeing isolated. Asking the person to "get control" of themselves will simply increase the sense of injustice and make the person more angry. None of these techniques will resolve the issue.

Talking to the person in a calm and quiet voice will often settle them down but will do nothing to resolve the issue. Talking to the person calmly will appeal to their conscious mind but will not reach the unconscious issue that is the ultimate cause.

The only person who can resolve the issue is the person who suffers the anger. Only that person can undertake the internal searching for the cause of the problem. In short, the person must take responsibility for their anger, stop blaming everyone else for their problems and decide to sort out their issues.

This will not be easy because a feeling of anger may be so familiar that the person cannot remember any other way to behave. Feeling angry may be their way of life. The aim must be to give them, and everyone who is near them, peace of mind.

The only way to resolve the anger is to find the cause and resolve it. The person must be empowered so that their sense of injustice is satisfied. It may not be possible to achieve complete satisfaction, but acceptance of the unjust situation may be enough to allow the anger to abate. Often, the anger is intense because the injustice took place when the person was very young, and at such a young age, they had no life skills or experiences to put the injustice into perspective.

Once the cause of the anger is resolved, the person often has to retrain themselves to react to situations in a calmer manner. They must relearn that any minor mishaps in life are not a reinforcement of life's unfair treatment. They must relinquish their feelings of paranoia.

Is Your Temper Killing Your Success?

One of the first tests in determining a level of your own personal emotional security is your proficiency in handling stressful and pressure packed situations. To create a successful communicative working atmosphere and a harmonious home environment, you need to maintain a level of emotional self-control when challenged with difficult decisions, tasks, and personnel interactions.

What is the danger of "losing it" in the workplace and at home? The primary consequence is a serious deterioration in communication between all individuals involved in an emotional meltdown taking place. If you are part of an organization where leaders and colleagues become emotional volcanoes when faced with stress and difficult decisions, constructive communication immediately declines.

The behavioral culprit that spurs this decline is typically verbal abuse and is a key indicator in evaluating your ability or inability to handle situations in a mature and professional manner. Think about it... how can a person think clearly and respond rationally when he or she is being verbally attacked? The person can't, and as a result, any chance of proactive communication is gone. In addition, the desire to avoid further communication with the attacking individual is initiated because no one wants to be on the receiving end of verbal abuse.

Whether this occurs at work or at home, a consistent series of events takes place: Subsequent to the verbal abuse being initiated, communication deteriorates and the flow of information breaks down. If the flow of information breaks down, how could any organization be efficient, productive, and profitable? They can't. On the home front, why would a child want to listen to a parent if that parent has the tendency of belittling and verbally humiliating the child? They will not. As a result, the child avoids and turns off any desire to listen, and typically responds with the same tone and degrading verbiage as the parent. Thus, the child learns to handle stress and conflict in the same manner as the parent, resulting in a new future verbally abusive parent.

Show Your Inner Strength

Former Saturday Night Live star Cheri Oteri would humorously say in one of her skits, "Simmer Down." Performance under pressure is the key to determining your inner strength, confidence, and emotional stability. I define "performance under pressure" as "an indication of one's professionalism," and I define professionalism as "emotional patience." It is paramount that your behavior reflects a high degree of professionalism when dealing with conflict, stress, and pressure. The key is being patient with your emotions and how you react to them. This emotional patience stems from your security with your personal core values, which provide the inner strength to be proficient at handling difficult situations.

For example, if you squeeze a tomato, what comes out? Grapefruit juice? Apple juice? Orange juice? Of course not! Tomato juice comes out. The same is true with human beings. When a person is squeezed (i.e. put under stress and pressure), what's inside comes out. So if an individual is internally frustrated, resentful, discontent, and jealous, to name a few destructive characteristics, I doubt seriously that the individual would display a kind, loving, and compassionate demeanor when put under emotional pressure.

Patience is still a virtue, and emotional reactivity to any situation is the barometer in evaluating your success with that virtue. Personal core values provide the building blocks to solidify a foundation of strength against life's pressures and stresses, and to maintain a high level of professionalism that demonstrates superior leadership. Have fun, be that positive example, and enjoy the stress relieving benefits of simmering down.

I Suffer From Constant Mood Swings

I never knew what sort of mood I'd be in when I woke up. Everything could be going fine for me, but I'd be in a terrible mood. On the other hand, I could be dealing with one problem after the other, and I'd be perfectly cheerful.

Quite by chance, very good chance, I met this psychiatrist at a function I had to attend. I almost ducked out of it, but I'm very glad I didn't. He was a very pleasant, approachable man, and I asked whether I could have some free advice. He said he'd be delighted to help, so I asked him why I suffered from constant mood swings.

He told me that it could be blood sugar or my hormones going a bit wild, and he asked me how long this moodiness had been going on. I told him really as long as I could remember. He told me that dealing with stress over a long period would cause moodiness and unless something was done about it, then it would become a habit. But you can change your mood so that it's much better and evens out. But it's like anything else you want. You must work for it.

He told me that too many people simply accepted their moods, that there was no way to change them so they might as well accept them. Well this isn't the case. Knowing what mood you're in helps considerably. Are you angry? Do you feel someone has insulted you? Pretending you don't feel angry or insulted does you no good at all.

Take it a stage further, though. Why are you angry? Be specific. I'm angry because that woman was unpleasant to my wife. Fine. Just because she was unpleasant to your wife, doesn't mean you have to clip your son round the ear! He hasn't done anything. So contain your anger. You're angry at one specific person. Don't take it out on other people.

Unfortunately, there are people who always seem angry or sad. This is because they've just allowed a mood to overcome them, without bothering to quell it or do something about it.

A psychologist at Stanford University, professor Zajong, asked himself that why, when we become emotional, do we change our facial expressions? Imagine you're crying or very angry. Apparently, the differences are caused by the way the blood flows to your face for one thing, but also to your brain.

When we're deep in thought, we tend to frown, which drives the blood from the face to the brain, thereby helping concentration. The other thing he discovered was that different facial expressions can alter the temperature of the brain. This, really, is the answer to the question as to why different expressions can make you feel better or worse.

Our brains heat up when we frown, because we narrow our nostrils, and don't feel so good. On the other hand, if we smile or say the letter 'E', this cools the brain and we feel better. I'd suggest you retire to the bathroom to do the smiling exercise, which should take about thirty seconds.

Eight Risks of Being Angry

Harming the liver

When being angry, people will secrete a kind of "catecholamine" which will act on the central nervous system, causing increased blood glucose, strengthened fatty acid decomposition and increased toxins in the blood and liver cells.

Suggestion: When being angry, drink a glass of water. Water can promote the discharging of body free fatty acid and reduce the toxins.

Inducing splashes on the skin

When being angry, the blood will rush to the head, so the blood oxygen will reduce, toxins will increase. And toxins can stimulate hair follicle, causing different degrees of inflammation. Thus, splashes will occur.

Suggestion: When facing the unpleasant things, do deep breath with both hands uplifting to adjust the body state and expel the toxins.

Accelerating the aging of brain cells

A large number of blood flowing to the brain will increase the pressure on cerebrovascular vessels. The toxins content in the blood is the highest and oxygen content the least.

Suggestion: When facing the unpleasant things, do deep breath with both hands uplifting to adjust the body state and expel the toxins.

Gastric ulcer

Anger will cause sympathetic excitement, and directly act upon the heart and blood vessels. Gastrointestinal blood flow will decrease and peristalsis will be slow and the appetite will be reduced. If the case is serious, gastric ulcer may appear.

Suggestion: Massaging on the stomach every day to alleviate the discomforts.

Myocardial ischemia

A large amount of blood flows to the brain and the face will reduce the heart blood supply and cause myocardial ischemia. Heart, in order to satisfy the body needs, will work harder. So there will be irregular heartbeats which can be deadly.

Suggestion: try to smile, and recall the pleasant things, can make the beating of the heart restore and blood flow tends to be uniform.

Hyperthyroidism

Anger will cause endocrine disorder, increase the thyroid hormone secretion and cause hyperthyroidism if the condition continues.

Suggestion: Relax, sit down, close your eyes, do deep breaths.

Harming the lungs

When one gets emotional and impulsive, the breathing will be in a hurry and there will appear hyperventilation phenomenon. Alveolar will constantly keep expanding and there is no time for contraction. So there won't be enough relaxation and rest thus the health of the lungs will be affected.

Suggestion: Focus and do deep and slow breathing for 5 times.

Damaging the immune system

When being angry, the brain will command the body to manufacture a kind of cortex sterol that is transformed by cholesterol. If this kind of material is accumulated inside body too much, it will hinder the action of immune cells and lower the body's immunity.

Suggestion: Recall the good thing that you have done as far as possible to calm the mind.

Welcome to The Broadmoor!

There seems to be a never-ending supply of "bad" customer service stories to share here each month, so when a good story comes along, it's cause for celebration-at least it gives an opportunity to demonstrate how to do something right instead of cautioning about what not to do.

Your Room Number is 4238...

I just got back from speaking at a very important conference that was being held at The Broadmoor, a wonderful historic property in Colorado Springs. I had an after­noon flight with a connection in Atlanta that got me to the hotel at around 8:30 pm Mountain Time, which was 10:30 pm on my time.

The front-desk clerk was courte­ous and professional, and handed me a map of the resort, a room key, and a folder with Room 4238 highlighted.

She offered to have the bell man assist me with my bags (not neces­sary, thank you) and then pointed me in the direction of the elevator.

Knock Knock! Who's There?

You can imagine my concern when I arrived at Room 4238... and found a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door.

I figured it would be prudent to see if someone was actually in the room before using my key, so, throwing caution to the wind and ignoring the sign, I knocked on the door.

My response was the sound of a dog barking, followed, a minute later, by the door opening. I was greeted by a woman holding a small dog, and looking puzzled about who I was and why I was knocking on her door-the door that had the "Do Not Disturb" sign.

I apologized and showed her the folder that had that very room number clearly written in the "your room" section.

Embarrassed, I apologized again, and headed back down­stairs to the front desk to get this straightened out.

Oops-We Made a Mistake!

It turns out that the front-desk clerk was suffering from a minor attack of dyslexia-my room wasn't 4238; it was 4328!

As they say in basketball, "no harm, no foul," so I settled in to my room, unpacked, and got some much-needed sleep.

The next morning, though, I started thinking about the situ­ation, and I became a little con­cerned. For example, what would have happened if the woman hadn't had the "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door? I would have walked right on in, and created a scene that would have been uncomfortable at best!

So I went to the front desk and asked to see a manager. A few min­utes later, Sasha (pronounced "say-sha") Burke appeared and listened to what had happened. Much to my relief, she assured me that my key wouldn't have opened the door to the first room, since it was a simple transposition error that had sent me there in the first place.

She apologized for the inconve­nience, and invited me to contact her directly if there was anything I needed during my stay.

Need a Little Snack?

The situation was handled professionally, so I went about my business and didn't give it a second thought.

When I returned to my room, though, there was a surprise wait­ing for me: a bottle of wine and a tin with some dessert treats!

Then I saw the flashing light on the phone, and pressed the "Mes­sage" button. There was a message from Ann Alba, the hotel's general manager, adding her own apol­ogy, letting me know that they had sent the gift items, and leaving her direct cell-phone number in case anything else came up.

So I'm beginning to enjoy this not because of the treats, but (1) because of the way in which this service-recovery opportunity was being addressed, and (2) because the general manager was aware of the problem and had reached out personally.

But Wait... There's More!

The next morning, as I was walking across the property on my way to the main building, I hap­pened to pass Sasha who was walk­ing in the opposite direction.

I smiled and said, "Good morn­ing!" And without missing a beat, she said, "Oh, hello Mr. Rosenberg; how are you today?" Yes, that's right, she remembered my name, even though she had no idea that she would see me then-or even at all during the remainder of my stay.

And just in case you think this was just a fluke, she passed me later in the day at a reception the conference was hosting, and greeted me by name again.

Problem? No Problem!

Mistakes are going to happen, especially when there are lots of "moving parts," as in the case of a large resort property.

But the way in which these missteps are handled can make the difference between a potential disaster and a raving fan.

In fact, some studies have shown that if the "baseline" level of customer loyalty is at, say 90%, when a problem occurs and is handled quickly, effectively, and professionally, then the level of loyalty actually increases.

I Have Nothing to Worry About!

If you think about this for a minute, it will make perfect sense. You have in mind a certain set of expectations; but when there's a problem, you discover that the vendor will go above and beyond to make it right. This provides a level of reassurance that if on the rare occasion something does go wrong, you know you'll be taken care of.

In case you were wondering, the next night, after my presentation, I was greeted in my room by some hand-made chocolates, and two small bottles of Grand Marnier.

Taxi Please!

When you travel as much as I do, you develop an appreciation for the "rhythms" of certain travel processes.

I know when a flight is going to start boarding because certain ac­tivities start happening in a definite sequence in the gate area.

I can tell when a flight is go­ing to be delayed when I'm sitting on the plane at the gate because something just doesn't "seem right" although I can't usually identify exactly what it is.

When I land at most airports-whether at my final destination or at a connecting hub-I can almost always "guess" the right direction to take to the ground-transportation area or to my connecting flight.

Time to Go to the Airport...

My travel rituals are "refined" to the point where I know what I can and can't wear through the metal detector, where I can find a healthy snack in most airports, and what time I have to leave home or my hotel to have enough time to safely make my flight.

In some cities, this time varies depending on what time of day it is-if I'm taking a late-afternoon flight, I have to leave extra time to allow for rush-hour traffic.

If I'm taking an early - morning flight, this usually isn't a problem. And if it's an airport I'm already fa­miliar with, as is the case with most major US locations, I have it down to a near-science.

So a 6:00 am flight from Las Vegas back home to Raleigh should have been a piece of cake.

Wake up at 4:00 am, 30 minutes to get ready and packed, 25 min­utes to the airport, and I'm there a little more than an hour before departure time.

Since the hotel shuttle wasn't running that early, I inquired the night before about getting a taxi. I should point out that this hotel was in a somewhat outlying part of town, not on "The Strip" where you can get a taxi literally any time of the day or night.

The front-desk clerks were very helpful and explained that I should call when I'm leaving my room in the morning and the bell desk would have a taxi ready and waiting by the time I got to the front lobby.

It Should Have Taken One Call...

Taking her at her word, I called at around 4:25 am as I was prepar­ing to head downstairs, and pro­ceeded down to the lobby.

When I got there ten minutes later (my room was at the far end of the hotel) I expected to walk right out and see my taxi.

When it wasn't there, I asked the bellman outside to check on it for me. He came out a minute later and said there were none parked at the curb, but they had called and one should be there in a few minutes.

When ten, and then 15 minutes had passed with no sign of a taxi anywhere, I went inside myself to find out what was going on.

The other bellman said he had called, but it could be another 15-20 minutes before it arrived. When I told him about the instruc­tions the front-desk clerk had given me the night before, he grimaced, hesitated, and said, "Um, that's not really correct."

Can I Start Getting Nervous Now?

Sensing my unease with this, he asked what time my flight was. When I told him, he asked me to wait outside for a minute and then went back behind the front desk.

Two minutes later, he emerged from the front doors holding a set of keys, and directing me towards a large SUV parked at the curb.

He said, "There's no way you're going to get there in time if we wait for the taxi to come, so I went in and got permission to take the company van and drive you there myself."

It Pays to Do the Right Thing!

He loaded up my bags, and headed out on the nearly deserted highway to deliver me to the termi­nal door.

The line at security was running a bit slowly (why do they insist on training new people at peak de­parture times?) but I made it to the gate with about 15 minutes to spare, and made my upgrade as a bonus.

There are times when lapses in communication and errors in the process create situations that are neither appropriate nor acceptable from the customer's perspective.

Soothing Anger by Mindful Prayer

"For as pressing milk produces curds,
and pressing the nose produces blood,
so pressing anger produces strife."
~Proverbs 30:33 (NRSV)

Created, as we are, in the image of God, we all have the capacity for anger. And although our anger is not as perfect as God's anger is - the Divine sense of righteous indignation - we are often provoked for the right reasons. The trouble is, however, when we push our anger too far, or we don't rally our resources and process the anger, we inevitably end up in strife; and others are violated.

RECONCILING ANGER WITHIN REASON

It's a good thing to act as an agent for ourselves; to be able to attend to ourselves by validating the causes of our anger. This is an internal working model.

When we can take what is occurring within ourselves, that which is causing frustration, inner contempt, or derision, and actually notice it, consciously, we are able to quell the anger.

But when we allow angry feelings to boil, pressing our anger further, our anger no doubt spills over.

Not pressing our anger is about the choice and discipline of mindfulness.

Mindfulness this way isn't necessarily easy to achieve; it must become a habit of thinking in ways where we are consciously present and conscious each moment. Whilst we will have lapses from time to time, mindfulness is a discipline that we can all develop. And there is no better process to augment mindfulness than prayer.

JOURNEYING INTO MINDFULNESS THROUGH THE CONSCIOUSNESS OF PRAYER

This is God's invitation to each of us: that, via prayer, we may become thoroughly more conscious of what is occurring around us and inside us as the precedence for our emotional reaction.

Prayer is not just something that we engage in within a quiet room, with eyes closed, and with hands clenched together. Prayer is better seen in the light of constantly communicating with God, by being in touch with our mindful selves.

When we pray in ways that enables God to speak to us, through what is going on within us regarding our world, we receive much more control over our emotions.

***

Managing anger is helped by conscious mindfulness, which is made possible through prayer - a constant and ongoing conversation with God. When we are in touch with the Spirit of God, and we are constantly seeking him before we proceed, our anger is neither pressed too far nor is it noticed as much by other people.

When anger is pushed too far it becomes violence. But, anger is eased when we pray. As the emotions begin to boil, we simply need to pray; to connect our situation, and our feelings, with God.

What Is Anger? Here's The Secret Fear That Causes 95% Of All Your Anger!

This last fear, Fear Number Five is the big one - it is the fear that causes 95% of all anger issues - 95% of your difficulties with people.

So far we have:

    Fear of Change
    Fear of Rejection
    Fear of Being Corner
    Fear of Losing your Pack

The question we are answering is "When would a horse stand and fight a sabre-toothed tiger instead of giving the danger signal to the rest of the herd and taking off running?

Now people start throwing out wild guesses:

For territory

Stallions will fight for the mares (translated that means they would fight a sabre-toothed tiger for sex?!)

Because it's a crazy horse??

OK, let's ask this question slightly differently: when would a horse fight another horse?

For territory

Stallions will fight for the mares (so it IS all about sex!?!)

For dominance

To chase a weaker stallion (or mare) out of the herd

These answers are all the right answers; but they all boil down to one underlying answer:

Horses will fight other horses for position in the pack and this is the Number One reason that people become difficult with each other: this is the Number One fear that causes the Safety Brain to take over.

FIGHTING FOR POSITION IN THE PACK

You'll know you are fighting for position in the pack when you hear yourself saying things like: "Because I said so." "Because I'm the mom." "Because I'm the boss." "Just do it my way." "My way is the right way." "Can you believe he said that?!" (underlying message is you would never say something like that. It's so wrong!)

You are fighting for position in the pack any time you judge someone else; anytime you consider someone else to be inferior or weaker; and any time you feel the need to prove yourself right; anytime you feel the need to persuade someone that YOU are right!

Take a look at yourself and the last time you got upset with someone: it was about proving they were wrong and you were right, right?!

FIGHTING FOR POSITION IN THE PACK - the Number One cause of anger - and it's all based on low self-esteem!

Jeanette Kasper -- Your Anger UnTangler
Defuse (or Delete) difficult people in your life. Neutralize your anger. DON'T smack them upside the head! No more bodies buried under the copier!

What Is Anger? Born Again Christians, Republicans, Democrats: Groups Founded On Low Self-Esteem

The Number One Fear that triggers Anger is the fear of appearing weaker than the next guy-I term it Fighting for Position in the Pack. We have to show the other person that we are right and he is wrong. Interestingly, the only time we ever feel the need to fight for position in the pack is on those issues where we have low confidence-low self-esteem.

On those issues where you are totally confident in your beliefs, people can challenge what you've said, challenge your opinions and you'll discuss it with them for a while and then, if they continue to disagree, you are O.K. with that. You walk away still completely settled in your belief and allowing them to have their beliefs. You might, in the back of your head, still think they are wrong, but you have no problem with them holding a different belief. You also have no emotion around them holding a different opinion.

It's a totally different story around issues, opinions and beliefs where you are not 100% self-confident. With those issues where you have to prove that your opinion or your belief is THE RIGHT ONE which means any differing opinion is wrong, these are issues, beliefs and opinions where you have low self-esteem or low self-confidence and the only way you can feel comfortable with your opinion or belief is when you get the other person to agree with you. When they don't agreed, they've proven that they are dangerous, your Safety Brain takes over and you get defensive and go on the attack-getting irritated, frustrated or outright angry that they can't see the obvious-that you are right and they need to concede the point and see things YOUR way!

And that's what Evangelical Born-Again Christians do. That's what hard-core Democrats do. And that's what dyed-in-the-wool Republicans do. Each of these is unable to accept that you get to have a different opinion, a different point of view. They will argue with you. They will continually point out your "flawed thinking" in your beliefs. And they will finally get very upset and have nothing to do with you if you won't change your beliefs. These three groups have ended friendships, sundered families and created huge disharmony in businesses and neighbourhoods with their insistence on "my way or the highway" mentality.

There is no better illustration of anger based on low self-esteem than these three organizations. So the organizations themselves foster the "us-against-them" philosophy. These three organizations' Evangelical Born-Again Christians, hard-core Democrats, and dyed-in-the-wool Republicans are founded on the need to prove that they are right and everyone else is wrong. These organizations will only attract people who already have low self-esteem and low self-confidence. Those who are more confident and willing to let others have their differing opinions will be turned off by the insistenceof the "we are right and everyone else is wrong" mentality and won't stick around as members.

These are the big examples of anger and attacks base on low self-esteem and low self-confidence but the little examples surround us and cause a lot of anger, irritation, frustration, and annoyance in a day.

And here's the cure. So we can instantly cure Evangelical Born-Again Christians, hand-core Democrats and dyed-in-the-wool Republicans! Please hole up your right hand and take this oath.

I, _____________________________ (state your full name) do fully understand, realize, and know that others are different. Not right. Not wrong. Just different. They don't need fixing!

_________________________________ ____________________

Sign your name today's date

Remember, you took a solemn oath!

And I promise you, if you live by this oath, 75% of your anger issues will disappear!

Jeanette Kasper -- Your Anger UnTangler
Defuse (or Delete) difficult people in your life. Neutralize your anger. DON'T smack them upside the head! No more bodies buried under the copier!

What Is Anger? STOP Standing Up For Other People!

So far we have covered three fears that are the underlying causes of anger:

    Fear of Change
    Fear of Rejection
    Fear of Being Corner

We're looking for Fear Number Four. Remember, the question we are answering with these last three fears is: "When would a horse stand and fight a sabre-toothed tiger."

When Cornered, was the first answer. The second one is:to protect someone in the pack who is weaker.

A horse will stand and fight a sabre-toothed tiger to give the rest of the herd time to run to safety. We are exactly the same as that herd of horses. We won't stand and fight a sabre-toothed tiger just for the fun of it-we'd be lunch! But if someone in our pack is threatened, we'll stand and fight.

I think every one of us has done this. Have you ever stood up for someone else, a child, a family member, a coworker, in situations where, if that person had said or done the same thing to you, you would have just shrugged it off and not said anything?

Absolutely. We will all do this.

So what exactly is the Fourth Fear that triggers our need to attack-our anger?

The fear would be Fear of Losing Our Pack

We are a pack animal. We wouldn't survive in the animal kingdom alone. We needed our pack: many eyes, many ears looking for danger. So we will protect those in our pack who we consider weaker than we are.

And WE NEED TO STOP IT!

STOP STANDING UP FOR OTHERS! STOP STANDING IN FRONT OF OTHERS!

(Oops! Was that my outside voice?! - I wonder if I can say it stronger?!)

Why would you stand up for someone else? Because you think they are weaker than you are.

The only person you should stand up for is a child who is too young to stand up to an adult him or herself. HOWEVER, give your children the tools, the freedom and the support to handle situations on their own.

I distinctly recall my daughter, in Fourth Grade, having difficulty with a teacher. We talked about it. We talked about what she needed to talk to the teacher about, and then she had a meeting with her teacher (I was there as moral support, a fly on the wall. I didn't say a word!) She handled the conversation. Her teacher was open to talking to her. And they resolved the issue.

My youngest son had difficulty with one of his bosses at a restaurant he worked at when he was 15 years old. We talked over the situation. He decided what he needed resolved. He used me as a sounding board to figure out what to say and how to say it and HE had the conversation with his boss (I didn't even get to be a fly on the wall for that one!) and he resolved the issue.

Those are just my children, as I've taught them to have those difficult conversations. Allow your family, your children, your coworkers, your staff to stand up for themselves.

If you think you are doing them a favour - YOUR NOT! You are causing more problems.

It's their relationship, not yours. They've agreed to the rules in their relationship. The proof is, that's how they do their relationship. The question you seriously need to ask yourself is "What does how they do their relationship have to do with me?" The answer is nothing. If you are looking at someone else's relationship and you're getting defensive, you really need to work on just paying attention to yourself give others' permission (in your head!) to do their relationship the way that works for them.

Jeanette Kasper -- Your Anger UnTangler
Defuse (or Delete) difficult people in your life. Neutralize your anger. DON'T smack them upside the head! No more bodies buried under the copier!

What Is Anger? You WILL Be Angry A Minimum 35 Minutes And Maybe ALL DAY!

Your Safety Brain sees danger. SLAM goes the gateway between your Safety Brain and your Thinking Brain. The Safety Brain takes over... how do I get safe? Anger is our attack. If you get angry, irritated, annoyed, frustrated, right through to raging, you are in attack mode. That's what anger really is.

One of the big problems with the Safety Brain is when it first sees danger, it floods the body with adrenaline which triggers all kinds of neurological and chemical reactions within the body.

Once the Safety Brain takes over, it will be a minimum of 35 minutes and maybe all day before you can re access your Thinking Brain, truly calm down and get anything done.

Think about this: how long is the longest fight you've ever been in... hours... days... weeks?!

Have you ever had it happen where you had a bad day at work. Just a really bad day. You couldn't WAIT to get out of there! And you get in your car thinking "Yes. I'm OUTTA there!" But you can still feel some of the turmoil in your body. The chemicals are still there.

So, you start driving home and there are IDIOTS! on the road! RRRRRRGGGGGGG! People cutting you off. Morons who can't change lanes properly! Idiots driving too darned slow. With each one of these thoughts you are flooding your body with more and more adrenaline, more and more 'negative' neurological and chemical reactions.

You finally get home and you are NOT in a good mood. Who gets the brunt of your attack-your anger? Your spouse or partner? Your kids?

OR you start the morning and everything that could go wrong before you got out the door went wrong! You get in your car and there are STILL idiots on the road. GRRRRRRRRR! You finally get to work and get out of the car thinking "OK, I'm here. It's all good." (So far, you've had at least two hits of adrenaline, maybe more!)

You open the door to your office building and the very first person you see is THAT PERSON! GRRRRRRR! (Another hit of adrenaline and the negatives that go with it!)

"OK. OK. You're thinking to yourself. I'll just go to my desk and get to work." You get to your desk, sit down and find that people have dumped all kinds of work on your desk overnight! GRRRRRR! "OK. OK. I'll just go get a cup of coffee." And as you poured yourself some coffee some idiot comes along, knocks your elbow and you spill the coffee all over yourself! GRRRRRRR!

And this is what happens all day. Before you have the 35 minutes it takes to physically clear out your system, something else happens. It's like there's a crack in the dyke. Something else happens and your body FLOODS you with more adrenaline and negatives. It's obvious that there is HUGE danger out there today.

Have you ever gone through one of those days where you got to work in a bad mood and you just couldn't quite calm down. It was one thing after another after another. And by the end of the day you were exhausted and all you had really accomplished was busy work. You weren't able to actually settle in and concentrate on anything.

That's the Safety Brain and the need for that 35 minutes to clear your body and your brain. Instead, what happened all day was that you were hyper alert for danger - your body was at 100% ready to fight the sabre toothed tiger.

There are 10 Quickies For Calming Down Fast that you can get for free on my website. Check it out.

From now on, if you get to work in a bad mood, I want you to walk around the block TWICE before going into the office. I promise you, you and everyone around you will have a much better day!

Jeanette Kasper -- Your Anger UnTangler
When you truly understand that anger is an attack, triggered by only 5 possible fears, your ability control anger goes up.

What Is Anger? The Third Fear Is The Secret To Make Believe Emotions Like Stress!

Fear #1 that triggers the Safety Brain to take over? Fear Of Change

Fear #2 that triggers everyone's Safety Brain to take over? Fear of Rejection

What is fear Number Three?

We'll look from a different angle. There are only three reasons that a horse would actually stand and fight a sabre-toothed tiger. For the most part, one of the herd would see the sabre-tooth tiger coming and give the danger signal and the whole herd would take off running. That's what humans are like. However, just like horses, there are three reasons that a human would stand and fight a sabre-toothed tiger. These are our last three fears.

So the question is: what is ONE reason that a horse would stand and fight a sabre-toothed tiger?

Fear Number Three is Cornered. If a horse is cornered and it can't run, then it will fight, it has no choice. It's either fight or die and probably fight AND die as a sabre-toothed tiger has the advantage!

Humans are the same way but often, cornered for us, is psychological. If we feel we have no choice, we've tried everything else; we will get defensive and attack.

Feeling cornered doesn't make sense. There are ALWAYS choices; always 100 or more ways of handling any situation. To feel cornered means that we've narrowed our focus to two choices. We either have to "do it their way" or explode - get defensive and attack.

And of course that's not true.

This is the only cause of stress. In my one-day workshop "Stress Management for Women" and "Stress Management for Professionals" people start to realize that there really is only one cause of their stress.

It's their thoughts and beliefs that "I'm cornered." "I have no choice." "I'm stuck in a rut." "There's nothing I can do about it." "I have to do it this way (his way; her way; the company's way... )"

When you listen to someone talking about how stressed they are, they will actually say one of the above phrases or something close to it.

And it's not true. There are always a hundred, a thousand, even a million choices on how to handle a situation; what to do about a person; how to overcome circumstances. But once we start telling ourselves that "There's nothing we can do about it!" our safety brains take over, we're stuck in illogical, irrational thinking, and we start building the feeling of being cornered, because we repeat the thought out loud and in the backs of our heads, over and over and over.

So here's a quick-fix for those of you experiencing some stress.

When you feel the stress coming on, repeat this sentence until you feel the sense of release.

"I have chosen to handle this situation the way I'm handling it. There are other choices."

That's it. That's all you have to do to get your Safety Brain to release it's hold and allow your Thinking Brain back in the loop where you can decide to handle the situation different. To get your Safety Brain to release you simply engage in the logical thought process that you do have other choices. You might not make any of those other choices, but they exist!

We still have to explore the last two fears that trigger the Safety Brain to take over.

Jeanette Kasper -- Your Anger UnTangler
Defuse (or Delete) difficult people in your life. Neutralize your anger. DON'T smack them upside the head! No more bodies buried under the copier!
Get Mrs. Kasper's first best-seller "Anger Is NOT An Emotion" to completely understand how our Safety Brains work and how easy it is to gain control of your anger, and deal with other angry, difficult people in your life. You'll get thousands of tips, tricks, and techniques for remaining calm in the face of others' anger, AND in not letting your anger take over!