The Number One Fear that triggers Anger is the fear of appearing weaker than the next guy-I term it Fighting for Position in the Pack. We have to show the other person that we are right and he is wrong. Interestingly, the only time we ever feel the need to fight for position in the pack is on those issues where we have low confidence-low self-esteem.
On those issues where you are totally confident in your beliefs, people can challenge what you've said, challenge your opinions and you'll discuss it with them for a while and then, if they continue to disagree, you are O.K. with that. You walk away still completely settled in your belief and allowing them to have their beliefs. You might, in the back of your head, still think they are wrong, but you have no problem with them holding a different belief. You also have no emotion around them holding a different opinion.
It's a totally different story around issues, opinions and beliefs where you are not 100% self-confident. With those issues where you have to prove that your opinion or your belief is THE RIGHT ONE which means any differing opinion is wrong, these are issues, beliefs and opinions where you have low self-esteem or low self-confidence and the only way you can feel comfortable with your opinion or belief is when you get the other person to agree with you. When they don't agreed, they've proven that they are dangerous, your Safety Brain takes over and you get defensive and go on the attack-getting irritated, frustrated or outright angry that they can't see the obvious-that you are right and they need to concede the point and see things YOUR way!
And that's what Evangelical Born-Again Christians do. That's what hard-core Democrats do. And that's what dyed-in-the-wool Republicans do. Each of these is unable to accept that you get to have a different opinion, a different point of view. They will argue with you. They will continually point out your "flawed thinking" in your beliefs. And they will finally get very upset and have nothing to do with you if you won't change your beliefs. These three groups have ended friendships, sundered families and created huge disharmony in businesses and neighbourhoods with their insistence on "my way or the highway" mentality.
There is no better illustration of anger based on low self-esteem than these three organizations. So the organizations themselves foster the "us-against-them" philosophy. These three organizations' Evangelical Born-Again Christians, hard-core Democrats, and dyed-in-the-wool Republicans are founded on the need to prove that they are right and everyone else is wrong. These organizations will only attract people who already have low self-esteem and low self-confidence. Those who are more confident and willing to let others have their differing opinions will be turned off by the insistenceof the "we are right and everyone else is wrong" mentality and won't stick around as members.
These are the big examples of anger and attacks base on low self-esteem and low self-confidence but the little examples surround us and cause a lot of anger, irritation, frustration, and annoyance in a day.
And here's the cure. So we can instantly cure Evangelical Born-Again Christians, hand-core Democrats and dyed-in-the-wool Republicans! Please hole up your right hand and take this oath.
I, _____________________________ (state your full name) do fully understand, realize, and know that others are different. Not right. Not wrong. Just different. They don't need fixing!
_________________________________ ____________________
Sign your name today's date
Remember, you took a solemn oath!
And I promise you, if you live by this oath, 75% of your anger issues will disappear!
Jeanette Kasper -- Your Anger UnTangler
Defuse (or Delete) difficult people in your life. Neutralize your anger. DON'T smack them upside the head! No more bodies buried under the copier!
On those issues where you are totally confident in your beliefs, people can challenge what you've said, challenge your opinions and you'll discuss it with them for a while and then, if they continue to disagree, you are O.K. with that. You walk away still completely settled in your belief and allowing them to have their beliefs. You might, in the back of your head, still think they are wrong, but you have no problem with them holding a different belief. You also have no emotion around them holding a different opinion.
It's a totally different story around issues, opinions and beliefs where you are not 100% self-confident. With those issues where you have to prove that your opinion or your belief is THE RIGHT ONE which means any differing opinion is wrong, these are issues, beliefs and opinions where you have low self-esteem or low self-confidence and the only way you can feel comfortable with your opinion or belief is when you get the other person to agree with you. When they don't agreed, they've proven that they are dangerous, your Safety Brain takes over and you get defensive and go on the attack-getting irritated, frustrated or outright angry that they can't see the obvious-that you are right and they need to concede the point and see things YOUR way!
And that's what Evangelical Born-Again Christians do. That's what hard-core Democrats do. And that's what dyed-in-the-wool Republicans do. Each of these is unable to accept that you get to have a different opinion, a different point of view. They will argue with you. They will continually point out your "flawed thinking" in your beliefs. And they will finally get very upset and have nothing to do with you if you won't change your beliefs. These three groups have ended friendships, sundered families and created huge disharmony in businesses and neighbourhoods with their insistence on "my way or the highway" mentality.
There is no better illustration of anger based on low self-esteem than these three organizations. So the organizations themselves foster the "us-against-them" philosophy. These three organizations' Evangelical Born-Again Christians, hard-core Democrats, and dyed-in-the-wool Republicans are founded on the need to prove that they are right and everyone else is wrong. These organizations will only attract people who already have low self-esteem and low self-confidence. Those who are more confident and willing to let others have their differing opinions will be turned off by the insistenceof the "we are right and everyone else is wrong" mentality and won't stick around as members.
These are the big examples of anger and attacks base on low self-esteem and low self-confidence but the little examples surround us and cause a lot of anger, irritation, frustration, and annoyance in a day.
And here's the cure. So we can instantly cure Evangelical Born-Again Christians, hand-core Democrats and dyed-in-the-wool Republicans! Please hole up your right hand and take this oath.
I, _____________________________ (state your full name) do fully understand, realize, and know that others are different. Not right. Not wrong. Just different. They don't need fixing!
_________________________________ ____________________
Sign your name today's date
Remember, you took a solemn oath!
And I promise you, if you live by this oath, 75% of your anger issues will disappear!
Jeanette Kasper -- Your Anger UnTangler
Defuse (or Delete) difficult people in your life. Neutralize your anger. DON'T smack them upside the head! No more bodies buried under the copier!
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